Closure: A Beginning

I don't know what's "real life" anymore.
Now please, hear me out. I'm not looking for something to blame. Things happen and I don't know if they're because I'm in China, because I'm a teacher, because I'm a girl, or just because I'm a complex emotional being. Plus, when an introvert gets trapped in their mind, sometimes the line between mind and reality gets a little blurred: at least it does for this introvert anyway.

There are some days I think about being reunited with my family and unicorns are galloping behind me, with rainbows and sprinkles tracing our trail as we [yes, together, me and the unicorns] gallivant through the airport into the arms of my mother and father. There's other days I think about being reunited with my family and I envision my hair sporting the "finger-in-socket" electrified look, my feet shuffling as I carry all 100 pounds of my belongings, and my shirt soaked from the tears streaming down my face.
I'll keep you updated as to which one really happens. I'm pulling for the unicorns.

There are some days abroad where I feel like I'm playing the "Peeta Game" with my life [Hunger Games reference for those of you with question marks in your eyes]. A memory is posed, an instance, an emotion and I'm left to battle out the question "real or not real?". And because I have no Katniss to tell me the answer, I'm kind of left to wonder some times.

I think this all stems from the sprouting of grief, the beginning of closure and preparation on for the next journey ahead. Trickles of it are oddly familiar, as they were around a year ago saying goodbye to college and that entire era. However in the midst of that I was the most insanely busy person on Messiah's campus. Go ahead, try to argue with me: I'll beat you. I had distraction after distraction to occupy my mind, always having a reason to not feel for the fear of everything around me collapsing. Maybe this time…this time that's just not the case. This time the distractions aren't as distracting and the feelings are more…prevalent? At least they've been stickin' around for these past few days or so. Maybe they'll get tired and try to find someone else to annoy.

I just want my unicorns back.