Every day, thousands of flights take off and land around our country, and around the world. But if you're not going anywhere, you don't really think about it. Living 5 minutes from the airport comes with its fair share of noise pollution, but now that I'm moved to central Pennsylvania, I'm lucky if I get to see a plane flying in the sky, let alone hear one.
Today, all across the country there are 40 something young adults who have spent countless hours packing their lives into two tiny suitcases. I know what that feels like. They are excited, then crying, nervous, then sentimental. I get that too. Some of them probably don't know how to eat with chopsticks. They're about to go live a year overseas with complete strangers. I get that. They are the next generation of the program that I have completed, and I couldn't be any more proud of them.
One year ago, that was me.
For now, I feel as though I'm going to have to lay this blog aside. I'd like it to be only dedicated to China, to serve as a remembrance of what happened, to bring back to life the stories and characters that are backstage in my heart; how easily this can bring them to the spotlight.
If, per some chance, the China adventures continue in years to come, this URL will be seeing a lot more action. Until then, you can catch the babblings and observations of this 20-something American girl at this blog instead.
zai jian, China. Until next time...
July 31, 2012
June 17, 2012
Party Time
I am so blessed. For as difficult as this year has been, for the (many) times when we did things beyond what this program expects or advertises for, and for the sacrifices of missing weddings, graduations and celebrations that come with living abroad for a year, I still have the joy and ability to proclaim to all the world that I am blessed beyond measure.
Part of that whole being-asked-to-do-more-than-what-is-advertised incorporates the fact that I spent my entire time every week with 80 wonderful students. While other teachers in this program see their students for 2 hours a week, I saw mine for 6…and then some. That means some awesome time to build relationships, a deep familiarity with one another and many many inside jokes, giggles, and routines. You may think that 6 hours a week isn't a lot. Consider this: the average high school teacher sees their students only 3 3/4 hours a week. Yes, I have more student interaction teaching in China than I would in an American high school. This works out perfectly for me because through this entire experience I've discovered one critical truth: I'm passionate about students.
Really good students and really good times leads to really good closure. Closure looks like being handed a balloon and being forced to do whatever the paper inside the balloon says, be it "singing", "joking", or "dancing". Closure means at-the-ready with camera and video, and having a performance piece in your back pocket at all times. Closure means making up the words to Justin Biber's "Baby" and dancing as crazy as you possibly can.
Really good closure means surprise performances, not only by you but also by the students. It involves that discovering the quietest, mildest and most well mannered student in the class has a huge and vibrant voice [see: Catherine]. It involves having "You Raise Me Up" dedicated to you by the student who failed 2 of their four classes with the foreign teachers [see: Tracy]. It involves being creative with the extra frosting that lying around [see: Simon]. It involves being forced in the middle of the circle and having every student speak their heart to you before their entire class, and a outpouring of tears between teachers and students alike.
My two classes and one of Laura's classes decided to throw end-of-the-year parties. Laura's class wanted a cake party, in which they decorated cakes and ate them [brilliant idea, right?]. My classes parties were… well, you can watch the video and see for yourself. (Laura's cake party is also featured on the video).
Part of that whole being-asked-to-do-more-than-what-is-advertised incorporates the fact that I spent my entire time every week with 80 wonderful students. While other teachers in this program see their students for 2 hours a week, I saw mine for 6…and then some. That means some awesome time to build relationships, a deep familiarity with one another and many many inside jokes, giggles, and routines. You may think that 6 hours a week isn't a lot. Consider this: the average high school teacher sees their students only 3 3/4 hours a week. Yes, I have more student interaction teaching in China than I would in an American high school. This works out perfectly for me because through this entire experience I've discovered one critical truth: I'm passionate about students.
Really good students and really good times leads to really good closure. Closure looks like being handed a balloon and being forced to do whatever the paper inside the balloon says, be it "singing", "joking", or "dancing". Closure means at-the-ready with camera and video, and having a performance piece in your back pocket at all times. Closure means making up the words to Justin Biber's "Baby" and dancing as crazy as you possibly can.
Really good closure means surprise performances, not only by you but also by the students. It involves that discovering the quietest, mildest and most well mannered student in the class has a huge and vibrant voice [see: Catherine]. It involves having "You Raise Me Up" dedicated to you by the student who failed 2 of their four classes with the foreign teachers [see: Tracy]. It involves being creative with the extra frosting that lying around [see: Simon]. It involves being forced in the middle of the circle and having every student speak their heart to you before their entire class, and a outpouring of tears between teachers and students alike.
My two classes and one of Laura's classes decided to throw end-of-the-year parties. Laura's class wanted a cake party, in which they decorated cakes and ate them [brilliant idea, right?]. My classes parties were… well, you can watch the video and see for yourself. (Laura's cake party is also featured on the video).
June 15, 2012
Kayla's Chinese-English Dictionary
Dear World:
I would like to apologize
in advance for the Chinese phrases I will continue uttering the rest
of my life. I thought I would help you out and compose a reference
guide, your very own, personal Chinese-English Dictionary for the
stuff that really matters (that is, the stuff that I know how to
say).
Of course, I perfectly
understand that you may not have this reference on you at all times.
In that case, just give me an awkward stare, allow a three second
pause for my mouth-brain registry, and then allow me to fill you in.
:)
Sha? What?
Shenma-shenma yadda-yadda
Zei hao Very good!
Kan kan look
Mei shi it's fine
Ke yi/ bu ke yi it's ok,
it's not ok
Due bu qi I'm sorry
Zhen da ma? Really?
Xiang xiang I'm thinking...
Zai nar? Where?
Wei shenme? Why?
Wan le! I forgot!
And our team's (and students) personal favorite:
Bi shu de...it must be!
June 7, 2012
Double Trouble
Two Peas in a pod
Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum
Partners in Crime
Choose your title, all are appropriate to describe Joy and Haley, two of my beautiful and hilariously entertaining students. Joy and Haley have been attached at the hip from day one. Within my first three days of being a teacher, I received a text message from Haley, asking if I happen to own any Japanese clothing she can borrow. A few days later, I found out why.
Laura and I had ventured to the auditorium where we came upon a massive performance of the freshman class. This is where we saw Tracy perform various singing acts and other students of ours in extravagant dancing routines.
Next on the stage pops Joy, dressed in a slick black suit. We were quickly able to piece together that she was a part of a comedy act, taking place in the front of her entire freshman class. She was accompanied by other favorites of ours [Leon, Arthur, and Alan…check out their video here]. There was Kung Fu, laughing, and costume changes, and then onto the stage pops Haley in a Japanese kimono. Between the five of them, the entire auditorium was roaring in laughter, including Laura and myself. Despite the language barrier it was evidently clear that these two were something special.
Haley and Joy, like all of my students, have experienced a lot of growth throughout this year, both in their English and their development as humans [beautiful humans, I might add]. As the time has passed, their looks have changed (see below) as have their English abilities, albeit they still have quite a ways to go. This makes for even more fun miscommunications. Joy is a pro at miming anything she tries to communicate, and truly, her English name couldn't be more fitting for the amount of delight and gladness she brings into the lives of everyone she meets. One of my absolute favorite class memories is when I asked each student where they would take a vacation to, if given the opportunity. Coincidentally, Haley and Joy are right after one another in the roll call. Haley answered with Syndey, Australia. Perfectly normal response. Joy took her turn and began "I want to vacation to…"
"the W.C. [water closet aka, bathroom]" piped in Haley's voice.
--Insert class erupting in laughter, including teacher.--
Joy, realizing the fault in her hesitation quickly agreed to this. "Yes yes, I will vacation to W.C. and Haley come too. She will see my big… my big… poop!"
--Insert teacher doubling over in laughter, shedding tears and losing all control of the classroom.--
(and yes, if you were wondering, I taught them that vocabulary word last semester. No shame.)
Needless to say, these babies have come so far.
If you had the amazing opportunity to experience this in class everyday, you wouldn't want to leave either. As I gave pronunciation exams this past week, I put the students in charge of my video camera to give them an opportunity to say anything they need to say. Prepare yourself for laughter and for a glimpse of my daily delights. This won't be the last time you see them.
Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum
Partners in Crime
Choose your title, all are appropriate to describe Joy and Haley, two of my beautiful and hilariously entertaining students. Joy and Haley have been attached at the hip from day one. Within my first three days of being a teacher, I received a text message from Haley, asking if I happen to own any Japanese clothing she can borrow. A few days later, I found out why.
Laura and I had ventured to the auditorium where we came upon a massive performance of the freshman class. This is where we saw Tracy perform various singing acts and other students of ours in extravagant dancing routines.
Next on the stage pops Joy, dressed in a slick black suit. We were quickly able to piece together that she was a part of a comedy act, taking place in the front of her entire freshman class. She was accompanied by other favorites of ours [Leon, Arthur, and Alan…check out their video here]. There was Kung Fu, laughing, and costume changes, and then onto the stage pops Haley in a Japanese kimono. Between the five of them, the entire auditorium was roaring in laughter, including Laura and myself. Despite the language barrier it was evidently clear that these two were something special.
Haley and Joy, like all of my students, have experienced a lot of growth throughout this year, both in their English and their development as humans [beautiful humans, I might add]. As the time has passed, their looks have changed (see below) as have their English abilities, albeit they still have quite a ways to go. This makes for even more fun miscommunications. Joy is a pro at miming anything she tries to communicate, and truly, her English name couldn't be more fitting for the amount of delight and gladness she brings into the lives of everyone she meets. One of my absolute favorite class memories is when I asked each student where they would take a vacation to, if given the opportunity. Coincidentally, Haley and Joy are right after one another in the roll call. Haley answered with Syndey, Australia. Perfectly normal response. Joy took her turn and began "I want to vacation to…"
"the W.C. [water closet aka, bathroom]" piped in Haley's voice.
--Insert class erupting in laughter, including teacher.--
Joy, realizing the fault in her hesitation quickly agreed to this. "Yes yes, I will vacation to W.C. and Haley come too. She will see my big… my big… poop!"
--Insert teacher doubling over in laughter, shedding tears and losing all control of the classroom.--
(and yes, if you were wondering, I taught them that vocabulary word last semester. No shame.)
Needless to say, these babies have come so far.
 |
| Joy & Haley, October 2011, Halloween snicker-doodles |
 |
| Joy & Haley, May 2012, both proposing. |
If you had the amazing opportunity to experience this in class everyday, you wouldn't want to leave either. As I gave pronunciation exams this past week, I put the students in charge of my video camera to give them an opportunity to say anything they need to say. Prepare yourself for laughter and for a glimpse of my daily delights. This won't be the last time you see them.
June 2, 2012
Photoblog: The Last Class
I will never get tired of looking at their faces. For the past year I have looked at their {beautiful} faces for at least six hours a week. Their faces will never fail to bring me joy, will never fail to remind me that our world is so diverse, and yet filled with humanity. They will forever bring to life that He "loves the little children, all the children of the world."
Their faces.
Delight & joy.
Their beautiful faces each have a story, a personality dwells behind those eyes.
Enjoy the captured moments of "the last class."
Try to ignore my presence in a lot of the pictures; I allowed them the opportunity to have a photo shoot with me. The poses I was positioned in were...quite a sight. I decided to spare you some of them.
 |
| Candy. |
 |
| Gaga |
 |
| Stampede. |
 |
| Smart Dolphins, Class 411 |
 |
| Friends always & forever |
 |
| Cute Dogs, class 409 |
June 1, 2012
Tik-Tok
There is a large part of me that really wishes the title of this blog post resulted in a music video remix of Ke$ha's million dollar success song. Alas, it's not. Simply, it's more a blog post of the reflective nature as the concept of time is an ever-lingering pulse that sustains the days here.
Read any self-help book: they'll tell you all about the stages of grief and the closure process, things that are "normal", red flags, emotions you may be experiencing through times of this and that. And although I am one who has done reading and research, I can't help to admit that I find it all quite funny, mainly because I'm sure that none of those people did what I have just done. Even if they did, we'd be experiencing emotions of different natures, as we'd be coming from different experiences as it is impossible for anyone to have lived and experienced all that has happened this year.
Eating alone was something I did often in college. Finding a table in the dining hall and taking time to eat, reflect, think, study, to do what I need to do. Eating alone is something I have not done in China...all year. That is, until this past week or so. So tonight, as I was people watching and eating my gong bao ji ding gai fan, I was feeling really pensive and reflective and starting the rest of this blog post in my head.
I live in China. That means that I live in a land where boyfriends and girlfriends wear matching outfits to publicly identify that they belong together, as if the excessive hand holding and cuddling wasn't a big enough clue. I live in China. That means that I live by playing the game of "name-that-liquid" every time I walk on the street, avoiding having the substances tested on my shoes. I live in China. That means I live in a land that doesn't speak my language, as eavesdropping is a skill and talent of mine that has lacked in practice throughout this past year. That means that communication with the cafeteria worker, or the shop keeper, or the tea couple, or the waitress, or the taxi driver is short, strained, and usually very one-sided, with the ability to build relationships frozen past the point of "what is your name?" I live in China. That means I live in a country with a love language of physical touch. That means we have one language in common. I live in China. That means I have essentially beam a vegetarian, not by choice, but because the portions of 'meat' in dishes is basically microscopic. That means that 'la jiao' [those spicy red pepper flakes] is automatically added to anything that enters my mouth. I live in China. That means I live in a country where sharing a song from your heart is more meaningful than any amount of money you could spend on a gift. I live in China. That means I can take public transportation basically any-freakin-where I want to go, mostly for the equivalent of fifteen cents. I live in China. That means that there are fireworks exploding on the street at all hours of the day and night. I live in China. That means that my [pasty] white skin is adored and touched everywhere I go, and I am flooded with coos of "You are so white!". I've had to learn to take that as a compliment. I live in China.
These have nothing to do with being a teacher, nothing to do with relationships or connections, simply, just being a part of the culture of the wonderful country that is currently hosting me. And I am ever so grateful for it. I love China
我爱中国
Wǒ ài zhōngguó
May 26, 2012
"Girls are stupid. Don't date them."
If you had to take a guess as to where the above quote came from, where would you think? If you guessed the "Team Harbin Quote Book" you would be accurate. You might even be surprised to learn that the person who uttered such a bold true controversial statement was the very author of this blog… (me). Yes, the "love girl" of the team would utter such a phrase. Don't worry, the book is filled with crazier quotes.
I will try to be as transparent as I possibly can be without causing those on either side of the fence to burn me at the stake. That's a terrible way to go. My team jokes frequently because I'm the one who is often cynical, snide and sassy when it comes to romance. There is always a joke to crack and always a perfect moment to insert a compelling, Oscar nominated eye-roll. The truth of the matter is, none of that behavior reflects what I really feel. It's a front. There, I said it.Those people who over-analyze everything Therapists would say something to the effect that I'm covering up something deeper, insecurities, unearthed fears or some hoop-la like that. The reason why "the front" gets such attention is because half of it's true. We live in a society of broken love and relationships so much so that it's become the norm and gone from a topic of utmost respect and treasure to the laughing stock of conversation. Maybe it's wrong of me to encourage those thoughts with my behavior, but they reflect an irritated mindset of what society has done with Love. It's irritating because I know that I am a part of it. I am a sinner, and I, in my own ways, have contributed to the mess-up of the Ultimate Love story. I am blessed because I Know what it could be, and yet and am continually disappointed when I look around and see what the Good has become. Disappointment has it's moments of being turned to irritated. Irritation has it's moments of being turned to bitterness. Transparency.
I must also admit that I'm not you're average girl either. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out and understand how girls work and operate and at the end of all these years I'm still bewildered and baffled. Did you hear that men? Yes, as a woman I baffle myself. I am the girl (with no dating experience) that all the girls come to for their dating/relationship advice…in America, and China. Yes, trying to figure out women has certainly kept me busy. How preytell am I supposed to have time to figure out the other side of this relationship equation?
I'm really not one to use blogging as a means of expressing opinions. Ask anyone who knows me: I'm not a fighter. I'm a storyteller, but the topic of dating, boys, relationships, marriage and everything in between has been occurring a lot (a lot) amongst the students and I. If I have to hear the phrase "Miss Kayla, can I find you a Chinese boyfriend?" one more time…. well, lets just be honest, I'll probably smile and decline and pinch their cheek or mess up their hair. I couldn't really do anything threatening. BUT! Every time I hear that question there's a part of me inside that wants to die. Not to be dramatic, but it's true. I die because I know they're speaking from one of two mindsets. Mindset A.) they want to see me happy, and truly deeply believe that it will be a boyfriend that can satisfy that happiness. I, on the contrary, don't believe so. At least, if I'm being honest with myself, most days I don't believe so. Mindset B.) their opinion of me is lessened because I am not "complete" without a significant other at my side. Funny, because if I look at me in a mirror I see a torso, necessary limbs, functioning senses and a boo-tay. Sounds complete to me!
Interestingly I find that most people in China speak from mindset A. Most Americans speak from mindset B. (This would be a proper time for all thoseover analyzing people therapists to give their opinion).
"When I first came to this school, I wanted to know how many handsome boys there were. Now I have realized, and I am disappointed." -Joy
There's a lot more physical-exploding-loud fireworks in the relationships of Chinese couples (no joke, it's basically how you ask a girl to date you, explode fireworks around yourself. Nothing screams 'romance' like saying "yes, I'll date you" whilst in the ER getting treated for first degree burns). I have news. Girls are girls, everywhere. They talk, they talk about boys, they giggle, they fight, they say cruel things, they manipulate. Girls across the world are worried about finding boyfriends, and looking as pretty as they possibly can. And here I sit caught between what society tells me and what I know is Right. And I try so hard to understand and sympathize and yet know deep in my heart that I can't (understand, that is).
"Must you be so harsh on your own sex?"
(10 points for you if you know that comes from Pride & Prejudice)
The answer is yes, yes I must, frankly because society today is not holding women up to the standard that they should be. Society makes it so easy for girls to be stupid, to make brash, quick decisions and then to live with the consequences. Worse yet, it's leaving a generation of beautiful women with broken and shattered hearts. These are the women that I have been interacting with my whole life. I'm now at a point of admitting that it's sad! I'm now at a point of realizing that maybe, just maybe there's something I could do about it…No, you won't find me on a pedestal with a megaphone, (although I did use one of those in class the other day. Long story) but don't put it past me to do something crazy.
I will try to be as transparent as I possibly can be without causing those on either side of the fence to burn me at the stake. That's a terrible way to go. My team jokes frequently because I'm the one who is often cynical, snide and sassy when it comes to romance. There is always a joke to crack and always a perfect moment to insert a compelling, Oscar nominated eye-roll. The truth of the matter is, none of that behavior reflects what I really feel. It's a front. There, I said it.
I must also admit that I'm not you're average girl either. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out and understand how girls work and operate and at the end of all these years I'm still bewildered and baffled. Did you hear that men? Yes, as a woman I baffle myself. I am the girl (with no dating experience) that all the girls come to for their dating/relationship advice…in America, and China. Yes, trying to figure out women has certainly kept me busy. How preytell am I supposed to have time to figure out the other side of this relationship equation?
I'm really not one to use blogging as a means of expressing opinions. Ask anyone who knows me: I'm not a fighter. I'm a storyteller, but the topic of dating, boys, relationships, marriage and everything in between has been occurring a lot (a lot) amongst the students and I. If I have to hear the phrase "Miss Kayla, can I find you a Chinese boyfriend?" one more time…. well, lets just be honest, I'll probably smile and decline and pinch their cheek or mess up their hair. I couldn't really do anything threatening. BUT! Every time I hear that question there's a part of me inside that wants to die. Not to be dramatic, but it's true. I die because I know they're speaking from one of two mindsets. Mindset A.) they want to see me happy, and truly deeply believe that it will be a boyfriend that can satisfy that happiness. I, on the contrary, don't believe so. At least, if I'm being honest with myself, most days I don't believe so. Mindset B.) their opinion of me is lessened because I am not "complete" without a significant other at my side. Funny, because if I look at me in a mirror I see a torso, necessary limbs, functioning senses and a boo-tay. Sounds complete to me!
Interestingly I find that most people in China speak from mindset A. Most Americans speak from mindset B. (This would be a proper time for all those
"When I first came to this school, I wanted to know how many handsome boys there were. Now I have realized, and I am disappointed." -Joy
There's a lot more physical-exploding-loud fireworks in the relationships of Chinese couples (no joke, it's basically how you ask a girl to date you, explode fireworks around yourself. Nothing screams 'romance' like saying "yes, I'll date you" whilst in the ER getting treated for first degree burns). I have news. Girls are girls, everywhere. They talk, they talk about boys, they giggle, they fight, they say cruel things, they manipulate. Girls across the world are worried about finding boyfriends, and looking as pretty as they possibly can. And here I sit caught between what society tells me and what I know is Right. And I try so hard to understand and sympathize and yet know deep in my heart that I can't (understand, that is).
"Must you be so harsh on your own sex?"
(10 points for you if you know that comes from Pride & Prejudice)
The answer is yes, yes I must, frankly because society today is not holding women up to the standard that they should be. Society makes it so easy for girls to be stupid, to make brash, quick decisions and then to live with the consequences. Worse yet, it's leaving a generation of beautiful women with broken and shattered hearts. These are the women that I have been interacting with my whole life. I'm now at a point of admitting that it's sad! I'm now at a point of realizing that maybe, just maybe there's something I could do about it…No, you won't find me on a pedestal with a megaphone, (although I did use one of those in class the other day. Long story) but don't put it past me to do something crazy.
May 21, 2012
Endearing
My teammates have said that I'm endearing on many occasions. I'm still not entirely sure what that means, but based on context clues I think I have some idea. "Endearing" is definitely a term that I would use to describe China…at least, today. It just sounds right. Yea, I know, I could simply go look it up and be absolutely sure that it's the word that I want, but for now I'll just right this blog post based on my hunch of what the word actually means.
There's things about China that are just special. Call me biased, but there's things about my students that are just special, too. Combined, they make the essence of China and create a goodness, an atmosphere, a home of where I've lived that past shemma-shemma months of my life.
China is endearing. For example, you know it's going to be a good day when the Heilongjiang East College public radio is blasting "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" from the speakers below. Folks, I'm telling you the music that is played is as clear as my iPod earbuds, even with my windows closed. You just can't escape this music [story of my life, right?].
China is endearing, particularly when the rooster crows at all hours of the day, not just at dawn. It's like a 24-hour reminder of Peter's denial.
China is endearing. It's a miracle day as the high today was 90 degrees in the Ice City of the world. Despite this fact, there are still countless students wandering around in long sleeves shirts. Bless their souls. Upon walking to dinner with "the Ketron" we bumped into one of our students. A look of terrible discomfort crossed his face as we said to him "Hey Dylan!" As the students cleared between us, we saw why he was uncomfortable. There, in his hands, were two beautiful chocolate ice cream bars. Clearly, they were recently purchased for himself and his girlfriend, but he thrust them into our hands. Thankfully, these shemma-shemma months have taught us how to fight back. Proud to report that we were not burdened with ice cream prior to our dinner. Mom would been proud of that choice ;)
China is endearing, with its obscure snacks. Would you believe me if I told you that I ate an entire bag of "Vegetable & Chicken Funyons" by myself today? Don't judge, they're actually [secretly] delicious. Over time, I've grown accustomed to the different Lays flavors that are available such as cucumber, Texas Barbecue, French Chicken, (and my favorite)Tomato. Yesterday, Laura and I ventured to the "Plant Zoo" with some of our students; they brought the snacks. A bag was shoved in my face, and being polite I ate what was given. "What is this?" I innocently asked. "Cat ears." (no, no, I know what you're thinking. They're just a triangle shaped chip that is a swirly light brown and dark brown.) Needless to say, not all snacks are secretly delicious.
China is endearing. Public transportation needs a stronger adjective than 'lunatic', because it's so much more than that. Public transportation is a culture. When you are on the bus with strangers, you become a band of brothers for however long you ride that vehicle, knowing that they full well could be the last people who see you alive [particularly in the wintertime]. It's about learning how to give in when your students refuse to sit down and force you to sit in their seat [China's forced me to deal with some stubbornness issues]. It's about sacrificing your seat when an elderly person, usually dark skinned and wrinkled around the eyes climbs aboard and is looking for rest.
China is endearing. As the temperatures go up, so do the number of English words on clothing apparel that is walking around campus, and trust me, it is FUNNY! Yesterday I stood in line behind a woman who (on the back of her shirt) had big words, written in beautiful handwriting "Grow your hair!". We endearingly call it "Chinglish" as it's English with a China twist that proves to always, always be entertaining.
And out of my own insecurities about hitting the "publish" button, I decided to check the dictionary.Endearing (adj): Inspiring love or affection.
Looks like my hunch was right after all.
There's things about China that are just special. Call me biased, but there's things about my students that are just special, too. Combined, they make the essence of China and create a goodness, an atmosphere, a home of where I've lived that past shemma-shemma months of my life.
China is endearing. For example, you know it's going to be a good day when the Heilongjiang East College public radio is blasting "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" from the speakers below. Folks, I'm telling you the music that is played is as clear as my iPod earbuds, even with my windows closed. You just can't escape this music [story of my life, right?].
China is endearing, particularly when the rooster crows at all hours of the day, not just at dawn. It's like a 24-hour reminder of Peter's denial.
China is endearing. It's a miracle day as the high today was 90 degrees in the Ice City of the world. Despite this fact, there are still countless students wandering around in long sleeves shirts. Bless their souls. Upon walking to dinner with "the Ketron" we bumped into one of our students. A look of terrible discomfort crossed his face as we said to him "Hey Dylan!" As the students cleared between us, we saw why he was uncomfortable. There, in his hands, were two beautiful chocolate ice cream bars. Clearly, they were recently purchased for himself and his girlfriend, but he thrust them into our hands. Thankfully, these shemma-shemma months have taught us how to fight back. Proud to report that we were not burdened with ice cream prior to our dinner. Mom would been proud of that choice ;)
China is endearing, with its obscure snacks. Would you believe me if I told you that I ate an entire bag of "Vegetable & Chicken Funyons" by myself today? Don't judge, they're actually [secretly] delicious. Over time, I've grown accustomed to the different Lays flavors that are available such as cucumber, Texas Barbecue, French Chicken, (and my favorite)Tomato. Yesterday, Laura and I ventured to the "Plant Zoo" with some of our students; they brought the snacks. A bag was shoved in my face, and being polite I ate what was given. "What is this?" I innocently asked. "Cat ears." (no, no, I know what you're thinking. They're just a triangle shaped chip that is a swirly light brown and dark brown.) Needless to say, not all snacks are secretly delicious.
China is endearing. Public transportation needs a stronger adjective than 'lunatic', because it's so much more than that. Public transportation is a culture. When you are on the bus with strangers, you become a band of brothers for however long you ride that vehicle, knowing that they full well could be the last people who see you alive [particularly in the wintertime]. It's about learning how to give in when your students refuse to sit down and force you to sit in their seat [China's forced me to deal with some stubbornness issues]. It's about sacrificing your seat when an elderly person, usually dark skinned and wrinkled around the eyes climbs aboard and is looking for rest.
China is endearing. As the temperatures go up, so do the number of English words on clothing apparel that is walking around campus, and trust me, it is FUNNY! Yesterday I stood in line behind a woman who (on the back of her shirt) had big words, written in beautiful handwriting "Grow your hair!". We endearingly call it "Chinglish" as it's English with a China twist that proves to always, always be entertaining.
And out of my own insecurities about hitting the "publish" button, I decided to check the dictionary.Endearing (adj): Inspiring love or affection.
Looks like my hunch was right after all.
May 16, 2012
Bad Day Fixer Upper
I don't know what country you live in, but I know something about you. I know that you have bad days. Bad days are one of those universal things that are everywhere. I'm sure some penguin way in Antarctica is down on his luck right about now. Bad days don't care what language you speak or what your circumstances are; they happen to everyone.
Fact of the matter is that I have bad days in China. I have bad days in America too, but coping mechanisms are far more…easier in America. There's usually always a Dunkin' Doughnuts, Starbucks, or Tim Hortons around to do the trick {I know what you're thinking…no, I don't eat my feelings}, or a best friend to easily call on a cell phone, no need to wait for a time change. The couches in America are soft, and they'll cushion you as you fall into them and sob your eyes out. My couch here will bounce you back like a trampoline, and the 'pleather' doesn't absorb tears, it just assists in dripping them to the floor. At home, it is easy to leave, to take a walk and breathe fresh air to rejuvenate your lungs, even if your mind is swirling. If I tried to take a walk outside right now I'd choke and have to breathe shallow breath as the stench from the medicine factory is crippling to inhale. At home, it's easy to cover up a bad day, to blend into the crowd or duck into a private bathroom somewhere. In China, no matter how many layers of clothing and disguises you wear, you're still always the center of attention and everyone is going to notice anything that you do. You cant always get what you want, and if you do you'll end up like that girl in Willy Wonka and turn into a blueberry. I think I'd take the bad days over the option of becoming edible.
The good news about universal bad days, is that there is a universal method of getting better: dance party. Best results occur when surrounded by friends, booty is shaken, absolute mayhem is reached, and Shakira is invited.
It's also easier if you get yourself some awesome students, teach them how to compare and contrast, and have them write you these awesome sentences:
Miss Kayla is as ____________as ____________.
Miss Kayla is as friendly as a sister (Emma)
Miss Kayla is as graceful as the white cloud (Adam)
Miss Kayla is as lovely as children (Selina)
Miss Kayla is as shine as today sky (Nina)
Miss Kayla is as tall as Yao Ming's wife (Lara)
May 14, 2012
Simply Singing
It's a balance thing, really. On Mondays, I don't teach at all until 6:30pm. At 6:30 rounds of students start shuffling in and out of my apartment for ClubSING . There is a constant flow of students, and I teach for a solid three hours…straight. These kiddos crack me up, sing me sweet songs, and we learn together about music, our voices, and language.
Tonight was just…great.
I'm in my third round of ClubSING. Total, there are about 70 students who come, their divided 35 one week and 35 the next. Thus far we've tackled solfeggi [do-re-mi-fa-so], three-four and four-four time [Amazing Grace vs. America, the Beautiful], and tonight we mastered the differences between major and minor songs. I can't stop beaming because it was far more successful than I could have ever hoped it to be and (far more important than being successful) we had FUN!
I must preface with this: my senior year of college I had a 6-week student teaching gig at Cumberland Valley High School. That school is Boss. My cooperating teacher was Boss. The choir was hugeeeee (more than 200 students), and everything about my experience there was positive. Oh, I was happy and thrilled to bring to them little shenanigans that I knew which they quickly adapted to and loved, but there is one shenanigan that I took away from them that will forever bring a smile to my face. It's a warm-up song called "Hi-ya!" There are no words except for "hi-ya." It's to the tune of 'King of Kings and Lord of Lords" and lets just say that there's dancing and motions that go along with it. It would occur weekly for "Fun Friday Warm Ups" along with "Naa Naa" and "Cuma La Vista". [Sorry all, I just totally went into choir-director land on all of you, probably leaving you with not a clue as to what I'm really saying. I'll have to demonstrate when I get back to the states.]
Anyways…. point is, I taught it to my students, and they loved it. They also loved 'Oh Susanna!' as well as the yao lan chu [lullaby] 'The Pretty Horses'. There positive reactions were simply motivating to keep teaching them to sing. I haven't seen so many of them smiling in such a long time. The reactions I had from students tonight was a motivation for me to continue to give it my all. The number of students who voiced that coming to ClubSING was a priority for them over other things, that learning music and being together was more important than homework and meetings was simply…well, humbling for me and a really good memory.
So next week, when I'm looking at my clock at 5:30 and questioning myself as to why I didn't allow myself a day off, doing something no one requires me to do, and why I'm sacrificing my whole evening to teach while the rest of my team is having fun together …I now have the answer as to why.
Tonight was just…great.
I'm in my third round of ClubSING. Total, there are about 70 students who come, their divided 35 one week and 35 the next. Thus far we've tackled solfeggi [do-re-mi-fa-so], three-four and four-four time [Amazing Grace vs. America, the Beautiful], and tonight we mastered the differences between major and minor songs. I can't stop beaming because it was far more successful than I could have ever hoped it to be and (far more important than being successful) we had FUN!
I must preface with this: my senior year of college I had a 6-week student teaching gig at Cumberland Valley High School. That school is Boss. My cooperating teacher was Boss. The choir was hugeeeee (more than 200 students), and everything about my experience there was positive. Oh, I was happy and thrilled to bring to them little shenanigans that I knew which they quickly adapted to and loved, but there is one shenanigan that I took away from them that will forever bring a smile to my face. It's a warm-up song called "Hi-ya!" There are no words except for "hi-ya." It's to the tune of 'King of Kings and Lord of Lords" and lets just say that there's dancing and motions that go along with it. It would occur weekly for "Fun Friday Warm Ups" along with "Naa Naa" and "Cuma La Vista". [Sorry all, I just totally went into choir-director land on all of you, probably leaving you with not a clue as to what I'm really saying. I'll have to demonstrate when I get back to the states.]
Anyways…. point is, I taught it to my students, and they loved it. They also loved 'Oh Susanna!' as well as the yao lan chu [lullaby] 'The Pretty Horses'. There positive reactions were simply motivating to keep teaching them to sing. I haven't seen so many of them smiling in such a long time. The reactions I had from students tonight was a motivation for me to continue to give it my all. The number of students who voiced that coming to ClubSING was a priority for them over other things, that learning music and being together was more important than homework and meetings was simply…well, humbling for me and a really good memory.
So next week, when I'm looking at my clock at 5:30 and questioning myself as to why I didn't allow myself a day off, doing something no one requires me to do, and why I'm sacrificing my whole evening to teach while the rest of my team is having fun together …I now have the answer as to why.
May 11, 2012
Happy Friday
Hi, my name is Kayla. I'm 22 years old and I actively participate in tickle fights with students in public.
Here's a few other highlights from the day:
-Carol, my soft-spoken baby shouting to me from the opposite side of the room, arms widespread "what are you doing tonight?" [mind you, this is totally out of character for her.] I mirrored her body language back and shouted "I don't know!" She then came to the teaching podium, skipping back and forth in front of me with a widespread smile on her face. "Does that mean that we can eat dinner together tonight?" The answer: "of course!"
-Having a second dinner with Sherlock and Ruth, two of Tiffany's students. I responded to Sherlock, saying "way to go, Sherlock!" His response: "You say my name in a happy special way. Sher-lack" [thank you, Rochester accent]. I explained that it is my accent from home. His response: "Ahh yes, you Americans speak happy English. The people in Britain speak a more angry English."
-Sherlock is a guy filled with jokes, and he's really good at telling them in a second language! He busts one out at the table and everyone is laughing. The comment is said "Sherlock, you are so great." His response: "Yes, I know, but there is one thing I cannot do…get pregnant."
Really, where does he get this?
-We spent approximately 30 minutes at the dinner table making faces at each other, seeing who could roll their tongues, raise one eyebrow at a time [at which I am unsuccessful], and doing finger "magic tricks".
-I treated myself to some soft serve "ice cream" [not real ice cream…China ice cream, more like milk cream] when I was provoked to enter a tickle fight with Ruth. Let's just say I shoved the ice cream down as fast as a could (resulting in some serious brain freeze) and on the public road changed between chasing and being chased by Ruth's deadly tickle fingers. [Yes, I'm horrifically ticklish]. I think I won, as she eventually collapsed in my arms and I dragged her across the road, both of us laughing all the way.
…and just so you know as I type this to you, there a fireworks being shot off outside my window. Happy China. Happy Friday.
Here's a few other highlights from the day:
-Carol, my soft-spoken baby shouting to me from the opposite side of the room, arms widespread "what are you doing tonight?" [mind you, this is totally out of character for her.] I mirrored her body language back and shouted "I don't know!" She then came to the teaching podium, skipping back and forth in front of me with a widespread smile on her face. "Does that mean that we can eat dinner together tonight?" The answer: "of course!"
-Having a second dinner with Sherlock and Ruth, two of Tiffany's students. I responded to Sherlock, saying "way to go, Sherlock!" His response: "You say my name in a happy special way. Sher-lack" [thank you, Rochester accent]. I explained that it is my accent from home. His response: "Ahh yes, you Americans speak happy English. The people in Britain speak a more angry English."
-Sherlock is a guy filled with jokes, and he's really good at telling them in a second language! He busts one out at the table and everyone is laughing. The comment is said "Sherlock, you are so great." His response: "Yes, I know, but there is one thing I cannot do…get pregnant."
Really, where does he get this?
-We spent approximately 30 minutes at the dinner table making faces at each other, seeing who could roll their tongues, raise one eyebrow at a time [at which I am unsuccessful], and doing finger "magic tricks".
-I treated myself to some soft serve "ice cream" [not real ice cream…China ice cream, more like milk cream] when I was provoked to enter a tickle fight with Ruth. Let's just say I shoved the ice cream down as fast as a could (resulting in some serious brain freeze) and on the public road changed between chasing and being chased by Ruth's deadly tickle fingers. [Yes, I'm horrifically ticklish]. I think I won, as she eventually collapsed in my arms and I dragged her across the road, both of us laughing all the way.
…and just so you know as I type this to you, there a fireworks being shot off outside my window. Happy China. Happy Friday.
May 6, 2012
A Royal Wedding
I love starting rumors, particularly when they're not true. (At least, as far as teaching is concerned)
"Hey, have you heard? Two of your classmates are dating!!"
Oh the gasps that ensued when I let that one free. Immediate questions of who would be secretly dating (and the bigger question: "how does Miss Kayla know?") were tossed around in Chinese. Of course I knew what I was getting myself into, and every second was worth it.
Turns out, according to this rumor, that this couple had been dating a long time and actually wanted to get married. Of course, the fathers permission had to be asked and a whole 'plan' had to be laid out for the proposal. At the end of the day, the women in both classes said yes.
Turns out, according to this rumor, that this couple had been dating a long time and actually wanted to get married. Of course, the fathers permission had to be asked and a whole 'plan' had to be laid out for the proposal. At the end of the day, the women in both classes said yes.
I love playing the "dumb card", particularly as a teacher with second language learners. It's always a competition to see who will pick up what's happening first and play along with me until all are on board.
"Class, I can tell you that the man in the relationship is Colby. But Colby, I seem to have forgotten your girlfriends name. Could you tell me her name again?"
"I have no girlfriend."
"But I know for a fact that you are dating one of the girls in your class. It's about time we all know who she is. Who is that special girl? I forgot her name"
"Oh! Oh...Yes teacher, you are right, I am dating one of my classmates. It's Tessa!"
(gasps and claps from the entire class)
The task at hand was to design a wedding dress for their classmate, a new bride-to-be.
Their time limit: 20 minutes.
Their materials: toilet paper.
Their time limit: 20 minutes.
Their materials: toilet paper.
 |
| Anything to see them laugh... |
April 29, 2012
Christmas Bash
Listen, can you hear it?
It's the spirit of Christmas. It's alive all year round!
Who knew, right?
Yea, yea, so I know that it's a few months late, but
this past week I was able to pull together some footage, pictures, and
music and create a glimpse into a major celebration that happened on
this side of the world. Maybe now you'll believe me when I say that my
students are adorable and irresistible.
So, in the 7 minutes that you would take to read a blog post, I encourage you to just watch the video instead!
April 26, 2012
Legacy
I have a riddle for you: What is something that happens to everyone, unites people from two opposing sides, and is hardly ever talked about?
…that's right, death!
Last week our students took midterms so this week we got to work on a clean slate of what to build for the remainder of their freshman oral English class. We've been doing some work on "story", how to tell their story, elements of their story, crucial moments and key factors and themes, all accumulating to one massive story project at the end (but shhhhh, they don't know that yet). Unfortunately, for so many people one key life-changer can be the losing a loved one. You can't deny it. People play important roles in people's lives, and when one is lost, people are thus changed.
Death is a taboo topic in China. Too bad Laura and I didn't know that when we planned it. [These are freshman; this semester has been all about rocking their world views and I can guarantee you that it's working. Might as well continue with the theme.] It could have gone badly, but I'm so thankful because the lesson today went super well. It was well received by the students, and we even had a little fun in the process. But that's not the point of this blog post…
The lesson closed with a CLOZE activity (get the pun??) where I distributed the lyrics of Nichole Nordeman's song "Legacy". Within the lyrics were blanks that they had to listen for and fill in the missing word that they heard. 'Legacy' and 'death' go pretty well together and it will be a great lead into tomorrows lesson.
Now please, I was a music major. No one knows better than me that music can do ridiculously powerful things and can speak to people in ways that no scientist can ever understand. As I walked around the classroom, up to the podium, down from the podium I found myself choking back tears not once, not twice, but four times (I played the song four times, twice per class).
I really hate it when He finally makes something 'click' for me when I'm actually in front of the class. (That's happened on several occasions now and I'm starting to catch a theme.) As we were planning the lesson and getting ready, it's easy to view this song about death. Of course you want to leave a good legacy after you die, but lets just be real here for two seconds: I've never really been one to care about what other people think about me. But as this song played and I glanced at their faces I found this song being the prayer of my heart as I prepare to leave them and, as I said before, I got a little choked up.
"I want to leave a legacy,
…that's right, death!
Last week our students took midterms so this week we got to work on a clean slate of what to build for the remainder of their freshman oral English class. We've been doing some work on "story", how to tell their story, elements of their story, crucial moments and key factors and themes, all accumulating to one massive story project at the end (but shhhhh, they don't know that yet). Unfortunately, for so many people one key life-changer can be the losing a loved one. You can't deny it. People play important roles in people's lives, and when one is lost, people are thus changed.
Death is a taboo topic in China. Too bad Laura and I didn't know that when we planned it. [These are freshman; this semester has been all about rocking their world views and I can guarantee you that it's working. Might as well continue with the theme.] It could have gone badly, but I'm so thankful because the lesson today went super well. It was well received by the students, and we even had a little fun in the process. But that's not the point of this blog post…
The lesson closed with a CLOZE activity (get the pun??) where I distributed the lyrics of Nichole Nordeman's song "Legacy". Within the lyrics were blanks that they had to listen for and fill in the missing word that they heard. 'Legacy' and 'death' go pretty well together and it will be a great lead into tomorrows lesson.
Now please, I was a music major. No one knows better than me that music can do ridiculously powerful things and can speak to people in ways that no scientist can ever understand. As I walked around the classroom, up to the podium, down from the podium I found myself choking back tears not once, not twice, but four times (I played the song four times, twice per class).
I really hate it when He finally makes something 'click' for me when I'm actually in front of the class. (That's happened on several occasions now and I'm starting to catch a theme.) As we were planning the lesson and getting ready, it's easy to view this song about death. Of course you want to leave a good legacy after you die, but lets just be real here for two seconds: I've never really been one to care about what other people think about me. But as this song played and I glanced at their faces I found this song being the prayer of my heart as I prepare to leave them and, as I said before, I got a little choked up.
"I want to leave a legacy,
how will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering.
A child of mercy and grace
who blessed Your name apologetically
and leave that kind of legacy."
April 19, 2012
Concertmaster Tracy
His name is Tracy. There's probably a list somewhere of "China's Most Wanted" and his name is probably on it. For those of you who receive my emails, you have heard about Tracy before and how there used to be a day where he was an enemy in my classroom. Things rapidly changed when our common love of music was discovered. He quickly became a help in the classroom, assisting struggling classmates, and offering assistance to me, the teacher, at most possible moments. If Tracy was competing in gymnastics for the Olympics, the judges would have to give him a 10 for his compelling and perfect 180.
Monday night was supposed to be ClubSING, however the school had different plans. They can make first years do things, and they made them do some singing of their own. The female foreign teachers [including Tiff-Tiff, bless her heart] decided to support our classes in this endeavor.
And let's just say that the music education here is a little less than stellar. It certainly provided a great deal of entertainment, and definitely more than one moment of cringing.(You're going to think me a proud and biased mother, but please believe me when I tell you that the English majors performed the best. I couldn't be more proud of all my babies. Think it helps that we sing to them in class all the time…?)
Where was I?…oh, TRACY! My Business class 411 prepared themselves to sing and I set my camera rolling not knowing what to expect. My jaw dropped as I realized that their leader and concertmaster extraordinaire was none but Tracy. Not only that, but as I watched him lead his class with precision, I noticed that he naturally possesses conducting talents, capabilities, and coordination that several music educators could use a little work on. I sat back and shed a tear of joy and awe as I watched the beauty before me.
Below is a video of their performance. Although my babies didn't win, believe me when I say that they deserved it. Plus, I cant be too upset because Class 502 ("The Bright Skies"...the class with Leon) took home first prize. Even though the night included the continuous (and sometimes painful) repetition of these two songs (both patriotic and "I love China" in nature) there was truly no better way to spend a Monday night.
Business English class 411, the "Smart Dolphins". The conductor is Tracy and the two soloists (in order) are Gaga and Kimmie. (oh, and if you look at their "class picture" on the screen behind them, you'll notice two white people, me and Lauren :))
These are my other babies, Business English class 409 (the "Cute Dogs") who took home 2nd place. The conductor is Emma and the two soloists (in order) are Carol and Selina.
Monday night was supposed to be ClubSING, however the school had different plans. They can make first years do things, and they made them do some singing of their own. The female foreign teachers [including Tiff-Tiff, bless her heart] decided to support our classes in this endeavor.
Thirteen classes
[Business and experimental English, Russian, Japanese]
Two songs.
The same two songs sung by each class.
Where was I?…oh, TRACY! My Business class 411 prepared themselves to sing and I set my camera rolling not knowing what to expect. My jaw dropped as I realized that their leader and concertmaster extraordinaire was none but Tracy. Not only that, but as I watched him lead his class with precision, I noticed that he naturally possesses conducting talents, capabilities, and coordination that several music educators could use a little work on. I sat back and shed a tear of joy and awe as I watched the beauty before me.
Below is a video of their performance. Although my babies didn't win, believe me when I say that they deserved it. Plus, I cant be too upset because Class 502 ("The Bright Skies"...the class with Leon) took home first prize. Even though the night included the continuous (and sometimes painful) repetition of these two songs (both patriotic and "I love China" in nature) there was truly no better way to spend a Monday night.
Business English class 411, the "Smart Dolphins". The conductor is Tracy and the two soloists (in order) are Gaga and Kimmie. (oh, and if you look at their "class picture" on the screen behind them, you'll notice two white people, me and Lauren :))
These are my other babies, Business English class 409 (the "Cute Dogs") who took home 2nd place. The conductor is Emma and the two soloists (in order) are Carol and Selina.
April 15, 2012
C is for Cookie
This weekend is brought to you by the letter "C".
Cookies
camaraderie
chocolate chips
Carol
care packages.
camaraderie
chocolate chips
Carol
care packages.
I have not eaten dinner for two nights as a result of being stuffed from afternoon cookie festivities. Please, don't tell my dentist. Saturday was spent with Sisters of all ages with cookie decorating and cutting and shenanigans. Sunday was spent with chocolate chips and Carol, my study monitor from class 409.
All cookies made possible in part by the Easter care package sent by my
momma, generous donations of time by foreign English teachers, and by
contributions from viewers like you!
Here's some snapshots of the "fun and frenzy" that was my apartment this weekend.
April 12, 2012
maybe in the future...
If it's one thing I've adapted well at, it's the Chinese art of being vague. This means simple answers to questions; no need to add complex words and reasonings they won't be able to understand. This also means the addition of the word "maybe" to approximately every other sentence.
"Miss Kayla, what are you doing?"
"Oh, maybe I will go have dinner."
Am I on my way to dinner? Well, yes, but there are hundreds of possibilities that can happen between me and the dining hall that would distract me or re-navigate me to do else wise. Therefore, 'maybe' implies that I have the intention of, but doesn't necessarily commit me to doing said action.
It's going to be a mess trying to sort this new behavior out of my system. Originally it drove me crazy, but now I see it's usage and power and sometimes, it simply makes me laugh.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Maybe he is my boyfriend."
While "well is he or isn't he??" is the logical question in this situation, I've come to learn that body language and facial expressions mean so much more than words. I can see myself giving these kind of responses to my friends, and then quickly following that comes a slap on the shoulder or a punch in the arm. It probably won't fly in America, but that doesn't mean I won't use it. "Maybe in the future…" is one of the most common phrases that I have heard all year. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if I had tallied all of the key phrases that exit my students mouths, 'maybe in the future' would definitely be a winner. Prior to coming here, my mind would quickly jump to Ingrid Michaelson and her infamous song 'Maybe', which spurs on another slew of mixed emotions so we won't even touch that for now.
I'm marking Wednesday April 11 as the day it all began. Simple stuff, having ma la tang with students, answering routine questions, "what are your hobbies besides singing? What's your favorite movie? What will you do for summer holiday?" Every once and awhile I get the question "Why did you come to China?" , which I love answering. This particular group of students however kept going with my response. "You work for an organization? How did you get here? Did they teach you to teach? Why Harbin? Why are the other teachers here?"
Then the dreaded questions came.
"Did you sign a contract? How long is that good for? Will you come back?"
I don't know how this happened. Our students talk. They sit in the same classroom all day and go back t the dorms where they sleep like sardines at night. Anything, really, anything that exits a foreign teachers mouth is quickly widespread to the freshman English population. Starting fun little "rumors" about the other teacher is always a blast because soon everyone knows and Laura is bombarded with ridiculous questions. Point is, they talk. I know that I have told students that I'm not returning. Somehow, these kiddos missed the memo.
 |
| Lunch with Anne, Lara, Colby and Tessa. |
Colby, my dear sweet and senseless Colby quickly brought his hand up to cover his eye and cheek where a tear had just fallen. Facing me [and looking like a person trying to impersonate a pirate] he exclaimed "but we have so many happy and positive memories of you! They will live in our hearts forever!" Thank you, Colby. Your flowery and nonsensical language makes this process so much easier.
Well, if there's any way you're looking to ruin an afternoon, that's certainly one of them. I couldn't do anything. No focus, no drive, just... "wahhhh". [Come on, you know that emotion, right?]
Later that evening our team got together for a little singing and chit-chat time. Tiff-Tiff and I chatted the night away and in the midst of that time received unexpected text messages, sending us both to opposite sides of an emotional spectrum. Hers from Rambo, mine from Carol, arguably my favorite student, one whom I've spent some serious time on my knees for as this girl has just captured my heart in a sick and beautiful way.
"Hi, my dear teacher. I'm sorry to disturb you at such a late time. Did you cry today? I heard that you were sad because you are going back to your home. Don't be upset, ok?? If you are sad, I will be sad too."
My reaction was surprising, even to me, as I busted out in uncontrollable sobs and sent Tiffany on a whirlwind of thoughts as to "who died?"After some composure I was able to respond in a mentally and emotionally stable way.
"oh my dear, you are so great. To be honest, yes, I was a little sad because I love you all so much. Sometimes when I think about you all I am overwhelmed with love. We have so much time to make happy memories, I will try not to be sad. Thank you for caring about me."
China has a special way of dealing with emotions: swallowing them. I've tried that before, that style just doesn't work for me. I know I'll be receiving many a critique from my students, as tears here are conveyed as a sign of weakness. The theme this semester has been all about shattering their world view. They know that their teacher is not weak, and they know that their teacher loves them. Maybe they'll get to learn that tears are a sign of sincerity and meaning.
"I'm not only the study monitor, but also your friend, so its my duty to care about you"
Cue more sobs.
Maybe in the future they won't be so painful.
April 11, you are the day it all began...
April 10, 2012
Closure: A Beginning
I don't know what's "real life" anymore.
Now please, hear me out. I'm not looking for something to blame. Things happen and I don't know if they're because I'm in China, because I'm a teacher, because I'm a girl, or just because I'm a complex emotional being. Plus, when an introvert gets trapped in their mind, sometimes the line between mind and reality gets a little blurred: at least it does for this introvert anyway.
There are some days I think about being reunited with my family and unicorns are galloping behind me, with rainbows and sprinkles tracing our trail as we [yes, together, me and the unicorns] gallivant through the airport into the arms of my mother and father. There's other days I think about being reunited with my family and I envision my hair sporting the "finger-in-socket" electrified look, my feet shuffling as I carry all 100 pounds of my belongings, and my shirt soaked from the tears streaming down my face.
I'll keep you updated as to which one really happens. I'm pulling for the unicorns.
There are some days abroad where I feel like I'm playing the "Peeta Game" with my life [Hunger Games reference for those of you with question marks in your eyes]. A memory is posed, an instance, an emotion and I'm left to battle out the question "real or not real?". And because I have no Katniss to tell me the answer, I'm kind of left to wonder some times.
I think this all stems from the sprouting of grief, the beginning of closure and preparation on for the next journey ahead. Trickles of it are oddly familiar, as they were around a year ago saying goodbye to college and that entire era. However in the midst of that I was the most insanely busy person on Messiah's campus. Go ahead, try to argue with me: I'll beat you. I had distraction after distraction to occupy my mind, always having a reason to not feel for the fear of everything around me collapsing. Maybe this time…this time that's just not the case. This time the distractions aren't as distracting and the feelings are more…prevalent? At least they've been stickin' around for these past few days or so. Maybe they'll get tired and try to find someone else to annoy.
I just want my unicorns back.
Now please, hear me out. I'm not looking for something to blame. Things happen and I don't know if they're because I'm in China, because I'm a teacher, because I'm a girl, or just because I'm a complex emotional being. Plus, when an introvert gets trapped in their mind, sometimes the line between mind and reality gets a little blurred: at least it does for this introvert anyway.
There are some days I think about being reunited with my family and unicorns are galloping behind me, with rainbows and sprinkles tracing our trail as we [yes, together, me and the unicorns] gallivant through the airport into the arms of my mother and father. There's other days I think about being reunited with my family and I envision my hair sporting the "finger-in-socket" electrified look, my feet shuffling as I carry all 100 pounds of my belongings, and my shirt soaked from the tears streaming down my face.
I'll keep you updated as to which one really happens. I'm pulling for the unicorns.
There are some days abroad where I feel like I'm playing the "Peeta Game" with my life [Hunger Games reference for those of you with question marks in your eyes]. A memory is posed, an instance, an emotion and I'm left to battle out the question "real or not real?". And because I have no Katniss to tell me the answer, I'm kind of left to wonder some times.
I think this all stems from the sprouting of grief, the beginning of closure and preparation on for the next journey ahead. Trickles of it are oddly familiar, as they were around a year ago saying goodbye to college and that entire era. However in the midst of that I was the most insanely busy person on Messiah's campus. Go ahead, try to argue with me: I'll beat you. I had distraction after distraction to occupy my mind, always having a reason to not feel for the fear of everything around me collapsing. Maybe this time…this time that's just not the case. This time the distractions aren't as distracting and the feelings are more…prevalent? At least they've been stickin' around for these past few days or so. Maybe they'll get tired and try to find someone else to annoy.
I just want my unicorns back.
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