"Girls are stupid. Don't date them."

If you had to take a guess as to where the above quote came from, where would you think? If you guessed the "Team Harbin Quote Book" you would be accurate. You might even be surprised to learn that the person who uttered such a bold true controversial statement was the very author of this blog… (me). Yes, the "love girl" of the team would utter such a phrase. Don't worry, the book is filled with crazier quotes.

I will try to be as transparent as I possibly can be without causing those on either side of the fence to burn me at the stake. That's a terrible way to go. My team jokes frequently because I'm the one who is often cynical, snide and sassy when it comes to romance. There is always a joke to crack and always a perfect moment to insert a compelling, Oscar nominated eye-roll. The truth of the matter is, none of that behavior reflects what I really feel. It's a front. There, I said it. Those people who over-analyze everything Therapists would say something to the effect that I'm covering up something deeper, insecurities, unearthed fears or some hoop-la like that. The reason why "the front" gets such attention is because half of it's true. We live in a society of broken love and relationships so much so that it's become the norm and gone from a topic of utmost respect and treasure to the laughing stock of conversation. Maybe it's wrong of me to encourage those thoughts with my behavior, but they reflect an irritated mindset of what society has done with Love. It's irritating because I know that I am a part of it. I am a sinner, and I, in my own ways, have contributed to the mess-up of the Ultimate Love story. I am blessed because I Know what it could be, and yet and am continually disappointed when I look around and see what the Good has become. Disappointment has it's moments of being turned to irritated. Irritation has it's moments of being turned to bitterness. Transparency.

I must also admit that I'm not you're average girl either. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out and understand how girls work and operate and at the end of all these years I'm still bewildered and baffled. Did you hear that men? Yes, as a woman I baffle myself. I am the girl (with no dating experience) that all the girls come to for their dating/relationship advice…in America, and China. Yes, trying to figure out women has certainly kept me busy. How preytell am I supposed to have time to figure out the other side of this relationship equation?

I'm really not one to use blogging as a means of expressing opinions. Ask anyone who knows me: I'm not a fighter. I'm a storyteller, but the topic of dating, boys, relationships, marriage and everything in between has been occurring a lot (a lot) amongst the students and I. If I have to hear the phrase "Miss Kayla, can I find you a Chinese boyfriend?" one more time…. well, lets just be honest, I'll probably smile and decline and pinch their cheek or mess up their hair. I couldn't really do anything threatening. BUT! Every time I hear that question there's a part of me inside that wants to die. Not to be dramatic, but it's true. I die because I know they're speaking from one of two mindsets. Mindset A.) they want to see me happy, and truly deeply believe that it will be a boyfriend that can satisfy that happiness. I, on the contrary, don't believe so. At least, if I'm being honest with myself, most days I don't believe so. Mindset B.) their opinion of me is lessened because I am not "complete" without a significant other at my side. Funny, because if I look at me in a mirror I see a torso, necessary limbs, functioning senses and a boo-tay. Sounds complete to me!
Interestingly I find that most people in China speak from mindset A. Most Americans speak from mindset B. (This would be a proper time for all those over analyzing people therapists to give their opinion).

"When I first came to this school, I wanted to know how many handsome boys there were. Now I have realized, and I am disappointed." -Joy

There's a lot more physical-exploding-loud fireworks in the relationships of Chinese couples (no joke, it's basically how you ask a girl to date you, explode fireworks around yourself. Nothing screams 'romance' like saying "yes, I'll date you" whilst in the ER getting treated for first degree burns). I have news. Girls are girls, everywhere. They talk, they talk about boys, they giggle, they fight, they say cruel things, they manipulate. Girls across the world are worried about finding boyfriends, and looking as pretty as they possibly can. And here I sit caught between what society tells me and what I know is Right. And I try so hard to understand and sympathize and yet know deep in my heart that I can't (understand, that is). 

"Must you be so harsh on your own sex?" 
(10 points for you if you know that comes from Pride & Prejudice)
The answer is yes, yes I must, frankly because society today is not holding women up to the standard that they should be. Society makes it so easy for girls to be stupid, to make brash, quick decisions and then to live with the consequences. Worse yet, it's leaving a generation of beautiful women with broken and shattered hearts. These are the women that I have been interacting with my whole life. I'm now at a point of admitting that it's sad! I'm now at a point of realizing that maybe, just maybe there's something I could do about it…No, you won't find me on a pedestal with a megaphone, (although I did use one of those in class the other day. Long story) but don't put it past me to do something crazy.

Endearing

My teammates have said that I'm endearing on many occasions. I'm still not entirely sure what that means, but based on context clues I think I have some idea.  "Endearing" is definitely a term that I would use to describe China…at least, today. It just sounds right. Yea, I know, I could simply go look it up and be absolutely sure that it's the word that I want, but for now I'll just right this blog post based on my hunch of what the word actually means.

There's things about China that are just special. Call me biased, but there's things about my students that are just special, too. Combined, they make the essence of China and create a goodness, an atmosphere, a home of where I've lived that past shemma-shemma months of my life.

China is endearing. For example, you know it's going to be a good day when the Heilongjiang East College public radio is blasting "Can You Feel The Love Tonight?" from the speakers below. Folks, I'm telling you the music that is played is as clear as my iPod earbuds, even with my windows closed. You just can't escape this music [story of my life, right?].

China is endearing, particularly when the rooster crows at all hours of the day, not just at dawn. It's like a 24-hour reminder of Peter's denial.

China is endearing. It's a miracle day as the high today was 90 degrees in the Ice City of the world. Despite this fact, there are still countless students wandering around in long sleeves shirts. Bless their souls. Upon walking to dinner with "the Ketron" we bumped into one of our students. A look of terrible discomfort crossed his face as we said to him "Hey Dylan!" As the students cleared between us, we saw why he was uncomfortable. There, in his hands, were two beautiful chocolate ice cream bars. Clearly, they were recently purchased for himself and his girlfriend, but he thrust them into our hands. Thankfully, these shemma-shemma months have taught us how to fight back. Proud to report that we were not burdened with ice cream prior to our dinner. Mom would been proud of that choice ;)

China is endearing, with its obscure snacks. Would you believe me if I told you that I ate an entire bag of "Vegetable & Chicken Funyons" by myself today? Don't judge, they're actually [secretly] delicious. Over time, I've grown accustomed to the different Lays flavors that are available such as cucumber, Texas Barbecue, French Chicken, (and my favorite)Tomato. Yesterday, Laura and I ventured to the "Plant Zoo" with some of our students; they brought the snacks. A bag was shoved in my face, and being polite I ate what was given. "What is this?" I innocently asked. "Cat ears." (no, no, I know what you're thinking. They're just a triangle shaped chip that is a swirly light brown and dark brown.) Needless to say, not all snacks are secretly delicious.

China is endearing. Public transportation needs a stronger adjective than 'lunatic', because it's so much more than that. Public transportation is a culture. When you are on the bus with strangers, you become a band of brothers for however long you ride that vehicle, knowing that they full well could be the last people who see you alive [particularly in the wintertime]. It's about learning how to give in when your students refuse to sit down and force you to sit in their seat [China's forced me to deal with some stubbornness issues]. It's about sacrificing your seat when an elderly person, usually dark skinned and wrinkled around the eyes climbs aboard and is looking for rest.

China is endearing. As the temperatures go up, so do the number of English words on clothing apparel that is walking around campus, and trust me, it is FUNNY! Yesterday I stood in line behind a woman who (on the back of her shirt) had big words, written in beautiful handwriting "Grow your hair!". We endearingly call it "Chinglish" as it's English with a China twist that proves to always, always be entertaining.


And out of my own insecurities about hitting the "publish" button, I decided to check the dictionary.Endearing (adj): Inspiring love or affection.
Looks like my hunch was right after all.

Bad Day Fixer Upper

I don't know what country you live in, but I know something about you. I know that you have bad days. Bad days are one of those universal things that are everywhere. I'm sure some penguin way in Antarctica is down on his luck right about now. Bad days don't care what language you speak or what your circumstances are; they happen to everyone.

Fact of the matter is that I have bad days in China. I have bad days in America too, but coping mechanisms are far more…easier in America. There's usually always a Dunkin' Doughnuts, Starbucks, or Tim Hortons around to do the trick {I know what you're thinking…no, I don't eat my feelings}, or a best friend to easily call on a cell phone, no need to wait for a time change. The couches in America are soft, and they'll cushion you as you fall into them and sob your eyes out. My couch here will bounce you back like a trampoline, and the 'pleather' doesn't absorb tears, it just assists in dripping them to the floor. At home, it is easy to leave, to take a walk and breathe fresh air to rejuvenate your lungs, even if your mind is swirling. If I tried to take a walk outside right now I'd choke and have to breathe shallow breath as the stench from the medicine factory is crippling to inhale. At home, it's easy to cover up a bad day, to blend into the crowd or duck into a private bathroom somewhere. In China, no matter how many layers of clothing and disguises you wear, you're still always the center of attention and everyone is going to notice anything that you do. You cant always get what you want, and if you do you'll end up like that girl in Willy Wonka and turn into a blueberry. I think I'd take the bad days over the option of becoming edible.

The good news about universal bad days, is that there is a universal method of getting better: dance party. Best results occur when surrounded by friends, booty is shaken, absolute mayhem is reached, and Shakira is invited.

It's also easier if you get yourself some awesome students, teach them how to compare and contrast, and have them write you these awesome sentences: 

Miss Kayla is as ____________as ____________.

Miss Kayla is as friendly as a sister (Emma)

Miss Kayla is as graceful as the white cloud (Adam)

Miss Kayla is as lovely as children (Selina)

Miss Kayla is as shine as today sky (Nina)

Miss Kayla is as tall as Yao Ming's wife (Lara)

Simply Singing

It's a balance thing, really. On Mondays, I don't teach at all until 6:30pm. At 6:30 rounds of students start shuffling in and out of my apartment for  ClubSING . There is a constant flow of students, and I teach for a solid three hours…straight. These kiddos crack me up, sing me sweet songs, and we learn together about music, our voices, and language. 
Tonight was just…great.

I'm in my third round of ClubSING. Total, there are about 70 students who come, their divided 35 one week and 35 the next. Thus far we've tackled solfeggi [do-re-mi-fa-so], three-four and four-four time [Amazing Grace vs. America, the Beautiful], and tonight we mastered the differences between major and minor songs. I can't stop beaming because it was far more successful than I could have ever hoped it to be and (far more important than being successful) we had FUN!

I must preface with this: my senior year of college I had a 6-week student teaching gig at Cumberland Valley High School. That school is Boss. My cooperating teacher was Boss. The choir was hugeeeee (more than 200 students), and everything about my experience there was positive. Oh, I was happy and thrilled to bring to them little shenanigans that I knew which they quickly adapted to and loved, but there is one shenanigan that I took away from them that will forever bring a smile to my face. It's a warm-up song called "Hi-ya!" There are no words except for "hi-ya." It's to the tune of 'King of Kings and Lord of Lords" and lets just say that there's dancing and motions that go along with it. It would occur weekly for "Fun Friday Warm Ups" along with "Naa Naa" and "Cuma La Vista". [Sorry all, I just totally went into choir-director land on all of you, probably leaving you with not a clue as to what I'm really saying. I'll have to demonstrate when I get back to the states.]

Anyways….  point is, I taught it to my students, and they loved it. They also loved 'Oh Susanna!' as well as the yao lan chu [lullaby] 'The Pretty Horses'. There positive reactions were simply motivating to keep teaching them to sing. I haven't seen so many of them smiling in such a long time. The reactions I had from students tonight was a motivation for me to continue to give it my all. The number of students who voiced that coming to ClubSING was a priority for them over other things, that learning music and being together was more important than homework and meetings was simply…well, humbling for me and a really good memory.

So next week, when I'm looking at my clock at 5:30 and questioning myself as to why I didn't allow myself a day off, doing something no one requires me to do, and why I'm sacrificing my whole evening to teach while the rest of my team is having fun together …I now have the answer as to why.

Happy Friday

Hi, my name is Kayla. I'm 22 years old and I actively participate in tickle fights with students in public.  
Here's a few other highlights from the day:

-Carol, my soft-spoken baby shouting to me from the opposite side of the room, arms widespread "what are you doing tonight?" [mind you, this is totally out of character for her.] I mirrored her body language back and shouted "I don't know!" She then came to the teaching podium, skipping back and forth in front of me with a widespread smile on her face. "Does that mean that we can eat dinner together tonight?" The answer: "of course!"

-Having  a second dinner with Sherlock and Ruth, two of Tiffany's students. I responded to Sherlock, saying "way to go, Sherlock!" His response: "You say my name in a happy special way. Sher-lack" [thank you, Rochester accent]. I explained that it is my accent from home. His response: "Ahh yes, you Americans speak happy English. The people in Britain speak  a more angry English."

-Sherlock is a guy filled with jokes, and he's really good at telling them in a second language! He busts one out at the table and everyone is laughing. The comment is said "Sherlock, you are so great." His response: "Yes, I know, but there is one thing I cannot do…get pregnant."
Really, where does he get this?

-We spent approximately 30 minutes at the dinner table making faces at each other, seeing who could roll their tongues, raise one eyebrow at a time [at which I am unsuccessful], and doing finger "magic tricks".

-I treated myself to some soft serve "ice cream" [not real ice cream…China ice cream, more like milk cream] when I was provoked to enter a tickle fight with Ruth. Let's just say I shoved the ice cream down as fast as a could (resulting in some serious brain freeze) and on the public road changed between chasing and being chased by Ruth's deadly tickle fingers. [Yes, I'm horrifically ticklish]. I think I won, as she eventually collapsed in my arms and I dragged her across the road, both of us laughing all the way.

…and just so you know as I type this to you, there a fireworks being shot off outside my window. Happy China. Happy Friday.

A Royal Wedding

I love starting rumors, particularly when they're not true. (At least, as far as teaching is concerned)

"Hey, have you heard? Two of your classmates are dating!!"

Oh the gasps that ensued when I let that one free. Immediate questions of who would be secretly dating (and the bigger question: "how does Miss Kayla know?") were tossed around in Chinese. Of course I knew what I was getting myself into, and every second was worth it. 

Turns out, according to this rumor, that this couple had been dating a long time and actually wanted to get married. Of course, the fathers permission had to be asked and a whole 'plan' had to be laid out for the proposal. At the end of the day, the women in both classes said yes.

I love playing the "dumb card", particularly as a teacher with second language learners. It's always a competition to see who will pick up what's happening first and play along with me until all are on board. 

"Class, I can tell you that the man in the relationship is Colby. But Colby, I seem to have forgotten your girlfriends name. Could you tell me her name again?"

"I have no girlfriend."

"But I know for a fact that you are dating one of the girls in your class. It's about time we all know who she is. Who is that special girl? I forgot her name"

"Oh! Oh...Yes teacher, you are right, I am dating one of my classmates. It's Tessa!"

(gasps and claps from the entire class)

The task at hand was to design a wedding dress for their classmate, a new bride-to-be.

Their time limit: 20 minutes. 
Their materials: toilet paper.

Turns out I got to try my hand at being a wedding photographer without actually having the fear of screwing up someones wedding. Definitely something I'll be pursuing some day :)

Anything to see them laugh...