"Girls are stupid. Don't date them."

If you had to take a guess as to where the above quote came from, where would you think? If you guessed the "Team Harbin Quote Book" you would be accurate. You might even be surprised to learn that the person who uttered such a bold true controversial statement was the very author of this blog… (me). Yes, the "love girl" of the team would utter such a phrase. Don't worry, the book is filled with crazier quotes.

I will try to be as transparent as I possibly can be without causing those on either side of the fence to burn me at the stake. That's a terrible way to go. My team jokes frequently because I'm the one who is often cynical, snide and sassy when it comes to romance. There is always a joke to crack and always a perfect moment to insert a compelling, Oscar nominated eye-roll. The truth of the matter is, none of that behavior reflects what I really feel. It's a front. There, I said it. Those people who over-analyze everything Therapists would say something to the effect that I'm covering up something deeper, insecurities, unearthed fears or some hoop-la like that. The reason why "the front" gets such attention is because half of it's true. We live in a society of broken love and relationships so much so that it's become the norm and gone from a topic of utmost respect and treasure to the laughing stock of conversation. Maybe it's wrong of me to encourage those thoughts with my behavior, but they reflect an irritated mindset of what society has done with Love. It's irritating because I know that I am a part of it. I am a sinner, and I, in my own ways, have contributed to the mess-up of the Ultimate Love story. I am blessed because I Know what it could be, and yet and am continually disappointed when I look around and see what the Good has become. Disappointment has it's moments of being turned to irritated. Irritation has it's moments of being turned to bitterness. Transparency.

I must also admit that I'm not you're average girl either. I've spent most of my life trying to figure out and understand how girls work and operate and at the end of all these years I'm still bewildered and baffled. Did you hear that men? Yes, as a woman I baffle myself. I am the girl (with no dating experience) that all the girls come to for their dating/relationship advice…in America, and China. Yes, trying to figure out women has certainly kept me busy. How preytell am I supposed to have time to figure out the other side of this relationship equation?

I'm really not one to use blogging as a means of expressing opinions. Ask anyone who knows me: I'm not a fighter. I'm a storyteller, but the topic of dating, boys, relationships, marriage and everything in between has been occurring a lot (a lot) amongst the students and I. If I have to hear the phrase "Miss Kayla, can I find you a Chinese boyfriend?" one more time…. well, lets just be honest, I'll probably smile and decline and pinch their cheek or mess up their hair. I couldn't really do anything threatening. BUT! Every time I hear that question there's a part of me inside that wants to die. Not to be dramatic, but it's true. I die because I know they're speaking from one of two mindsets. Mindset A.) they want to see me happy, and truly deeply believe that it will be a boyfriend that can satisfy that happiness. I, on the contrary, don't believe so. At least, if I'm being honest with myself, most days I don't believe so. Mindset B.) their opinion of me is lessened because I am not "complete" without a significant other at my side. Funny, because if I look at me in a mirror I see a torso, necessary limbs, functioning senses and a boo-tay. Sounds complete to me!
Interestingly I find that most people in China speak from mindset A. Most Americans speak from mindset B. (This would be a proper time for all those over analyzing people therapists to give their opinion).

"When I first came to this school, I wanted to know how many handsome boys there were. Now I have realized, and I am disappointed." -Joy

There's a lot more physical-exploding-loud fireworks in the relationships of Chinese couples (no joke, it's basically how you ask a girl to date you, explode fireworks around yourself. Nothing screams 'romance' like saying "yes, I'll date you" whilst in the ER getting treated for first degree burns). I have news. Girls are girls, everywhere. They talk, they talk about boys, they giggle, they fight, they say cruel things, they manipulate. Girls across the world are worried about finding boyfriends, and looking as pretty as they possibly can. And here I sit caught between what society tells me and what I know is Right. And I try so hard to understand and sympathize and yet know deep in my heart that I can't (understand, that is). 

"Must you be so harsh on your own sex?" 
(10 points for you if you know that comes from Pride & Prejudice)
The answer is yes, yes I must, frankly because society today is not holding women up to the standard that they should be. Society makes it so easy for girls to be stupid, to make brash, quick decisions and then to live with the consequences. Worse yet, it's leaving a generation of beautiful women with broken and shattered hearts. These are the women that I have been interacting with my whole life. I'm now at a point of admitting that it's sad! I'm now at a point of realizing that maybe, just maybe there's something I could do about it…No, you won't find me on a pedestal with a megaphone, (although I did use one of those in class the other day. Long story) but don't put it past me to do something crazy.